I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
