Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
