One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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