dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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