I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
