yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
