let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
