I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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