Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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