what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
