She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
