you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
