were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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