Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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