Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
