She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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