Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
