I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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