so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
operation have a gay friend backfired
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
