Where did you get a picture of my penis
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
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