I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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