WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
