i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
