Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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