There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
