weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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