i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
