wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
