What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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