I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
