Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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