How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
