I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
