He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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