Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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