So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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