U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
