I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
