Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
