Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
