New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
