i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
