You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
