Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
