he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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