Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
