i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I supernannyed him into submission
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