how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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