why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
