a queef is a wish your heart makes.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
